Suicide and other coping mechanisms

Hello Guys

Today I want to talk about a common topic where teens are concerned, bullied or otherwise.

I've also been a teen and a troubled one at that.I've tried to commit suicide numerous times until about 2-3 years ago. I've been lucky in that I've always had loads of support and someone always managed to stop me in time or talk me out of it when those thoughts crept into my mind.

The first time when this happened I went to see a psychologist. I only went for one session as I did not feel she understood. The fact that she was a part time social worker made her extremely solution minded and her suggestions were as such too - I found them all very extreme and felt that they would cause me more anguish than I already had. I tried to explain that to her and she told me that if I didn't want to do as she said, she can't help me. I refused to see her again.

My mom and I had many arguments as she wanted me to go see a professional and I felt that they are all the same - it's easy to tell you what to do and how to isolate one even more and cause more anguish. What I needed were coping skills.

Finally I found a friend who hasn't been in my situation, but she was very understanding and a few years older. Immediately I had more confidence as well as someone I could talk to about things. My mom has always been the most prominent force in my life, however at the time she was hurting too and I didn't want to make her load more heavy than it already was.

Having someone closer to my own age to confide in was helpful. I didn't realise at the time, but she did keep my mom very much in the loop as to what was going on with me, not that I minded. I was just so ashamed of myself and held my mom in high esteem and didn't want to lose her respect - bizarre as that may sound!

Parenting or supporting someone who is being bullied can't be easy. I can imagine that some of their characteristics must be frustrating. I developed a "sorry I'm alive" attitude - I wouldn't accept any niceties, I'd sit quietly in a crowd and not talk to anyone, I'd make excuses not to go anywhere that my bullies would find out about and one really embarrassing one - I would be so consumed with what others thought that I wouldn't listen to what is said and when someone asked what I thought, I wouldn't have a clue what was said... Another one I only recently dropped is to say "no thanks" all the time. Yeah - really rude!

My friend helped me to gain confidence, because she made me feel like I belonged. When I left my hometown for the "big bad city", I had to find new friends.

I think what worked for me was finding Wade (he was the first person I met) and he really took me under his wing. The idea is to cultivate a relationship in which you can make a victim feel a sense of belonging and trust and then slowly adding different people, one at a time so that the victim can learn that there are people that can be trusted.

When one of the new group of friends betray their trust, the other members should be supportive and explain to her the importance of focusing on the "good" friends and the insignificance of the person who hurt her in her life. That person was obviously a toxic influence to start with, hence - let's focus on who's left and her positive attributes that were obviously cause for envy in the person who behaved in a toxic manner.

This is a heavy posting and therefore I will leave it here for now. Perhaps I will go into more detail later.

I do want to offer my "big sister" ear to anyone who needs one - please see my site for contact details. If you phone and I'm not available, please do leave a message. Remember, I do have a business, so I don't always get to all the phones at the same time! It doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to you.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.