Sometimes good friends may have a mild, subconscious, but very real envy of you. This would manifest in snide and seemingly 'joking' remarks. This 'subconscious' bully may care about you deeply and may never want to hurt you - they wouldn't be aware of the fact that their words hurt you.
I recently had an incident like this. I didn't react in the right way and said something hurtful back - I am not proud of that. The right thing is to say something to shock them to reality, but in a nice 'joking' way.
Promptly afterwards I apologized and said I didn't mean what I said. It's also good to say something to dispel whatever they said. For instance, if they say "you are fat!" - you should say something like "that's a mean thing to say, but if it makes you feel good to say that, it's fine." Later on apologize like this "I am sorry for saying you are mean. You should understand that my brain is really large from all the knowledge contained inside it and therefore it's spilling out into the rest of my body, therefore I may look fat, but I'm really just very intelligent."
This does a couple of things for you:
1) It puts them in their place smartly
2) If gives you the opportunity to be direct about your feelings without exposing you to more hurt
3) It gives you the opportunity to teach them that it's not right to say nasty things about you
4) It shows them that you don't care about whatever it is they were nasty about, in this case your 'being fat'.
It works beautifully... every time!
Please let me know if you have any such success stories.
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Thursday, May 24, 2007
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